One of our most popular guests is
back. Say hello to Diana.
It’s always a treat to have her join us. She launched her newest book yesterday, March 15th and everyone is talking about it.
I look forward to reading it.
Diana has been here before and if you missed her last visit, please go HERE.
Title: ALONG CAME A GARDENER
From the author of the award-winning Sunflowers Under Fire, comes an inspirational book with personal memories and stories from the world of mental health. Along Came A Gardener is based on the thoughts and ideas the author Diana Stevan gleaned from her 25 years as a family therapist combined with those she found working in her garden. Stevan shows us that even when life looks grim, there are tools we can use to meet its challenges and move toward a better future. This book explores the nature of loving relationships and the lessons Nature provides in our backyards and beyond.
The Story Behind the Story:
Along Came A Gardener covers my 25 years of working as a family therapist and more.
The people I saw in counselling or therapy were varied, from all walks of life
and backgrounds. I counselled individuals, couples, and families, and even did
some trauma work with bank employees after a robbery. It was rewarding work and
surprisingly, mutually beneficial. The
people who came for counselling taught me a lot as well. And over the years, I
discovered that Nature also has much to contribute. Nature shows us daily how
to live in harmony and how well its vegetation thrives when it’s cared for.
Because
I’ve worked in so many different mental health settings, I share stories about
those who’ve dealt with addiction, depression, guilt, grief, marital and family
conflict, and other emotional pain. Woven in are thoughts on anger management,
stress reduction, and other ways to calm our minds and lift our spirits.
I’m
hoping readers will find inspiration within its pages, and if they’ve ever had
questions about the value of psychotherapy, I hope they find the answers there
as well.
WHAT
INSPIRED ME:
I
had thought about writing this book back in the late 1970s, but I’m glad I
didn’t. I wasn’t ready. I had been inspired to write it after a high school
student, who I’d seen for counselling wrote me a beautiful poem, called The
Seed of Hope. Though a bright student, she was failing and had attempted
suicide. More of how I helped her and how she inspired me is included in the
excerpt below.
Diana's Website - please go HERE.
A question before you go, Diana:
Diana: I’m thankful I have a room in the house that serves as my office. Because of back issues, I have a sit-stand desk, which has been a godsend. And though I love music (who doesn’t?), I like quiet when I’m writing. Coffee is my drink of choice in the morning and lemon ginger tea after that. Though I like a neat desk, it invariably gets messy and I have to take time every so often to get it back under control.
An Excerpt from Along Came A Gardener
THE SEED OF HOPE
It's important to note that our capacity for growth is greater than we think. Neuroscientists have discovered that our brains keep growing and stabilize in early adulthood. Our brains continue to develop new neurons even in our eighties as long as we keep challenging ourselves intellectually and socially. Just as we learned in school that we can succeed if we apply ourselves, it is also true we can better our lives through self-examination, therapy, and other forms of knowledge. We all experience bumps in the road. Some seem insurmountable, but it’s not always the case. That’s when hope has a role to play.
Early in my counselling career, I worked for the Child Guidance Clinic in Winnipeg. As a clinical social worker (and later school psychologist), I visited schools and talked to classroom teachers, guidance counsellors, and special education instructors. School personnel referred children who were showing signs that all was not well in their lives. These were students who displayed aggressive tendencies or showed an inability to engage with others, which was especially worrisome if they were teens who could be at risk for suicide. Sometimes, that meant I would see the student alone in the guidance counsellor’s office; other times, I’d arrange to meet with the student and their parents at their home or the clinic.
On one occasion, a high school guidance counsellor referred two sisters, who were gifted academically and artistically but failing miserably. One was an exceptional violinist; the other a talented poet who had attempted suicide. Their mother had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Following the referral, I made a home visit to assess the family dynamics.
After meeting with the family, I had a better understanding of what the two sisters faced daily. Their father had a responsible executive position that took him away from home for long periods, leaving the three females of the household to work things out on their own. When the sisters came home from school, they never knew what mood they’d find their mother in. One minute, she was loving, and the next, she lashed out for little or no reason. Meanwhile, their father was of little help when he was home; he was a passive man, trying to hold on to his sanity. Given the mother’s mental illness, family therapy was not practical.
Instead, I met with both sisters and listened while they poured out their problems. They complained about feeling rejected by their mother. They could do no right.
As we know, adolescence is a time for developing a sense of self and gaining more independence. However, adolescents still need their parents’ support while they find their way.
The older sister kept expecting her mother to behave as she thought a mother should by showing love, warmth, and understanding. Given her mother’s mental illness, her expectations were unrealistic. But who could blame her for wanting her mother’s love? We all want our mother’s love; we all need it.
It’s not clear how much their mother loved them. She may have loved them dearly but was unable to show it. She appeared stiff and remote, unable to engage. She could’ve been so preoccupied with her own existence that nothing else registered. Either way, the girls couldn’t get the love they wanted. They kept trying to no avail. All they got for their efforts was an erosion of self, which added to their depression.
I empathized and reassured them that, given their mother’s emotional challenges and erratic behaviour, it wasn’t surprising they were having a hard time at school. In crisis, they couldn’t see the personal resources they could draw on. We discussed strategies for dealing with someone unpredictable. Lowering expectations of their mother helped them step back and see how they could diffuse potentially volatile moments.
Rather than trying to change the people who are important to us, we need to look at what we can do differently about our situation. This way, we take responsibility for our own lives. We find the power within ourselves. The eldest sister did just that, and months later, wrote me the following poem. She gave me permission to share it with you.
The Seed of Hope
They had left me behind
but I did not mind,
for I was content
to live in darkness
and solitude.
No one there to hurt,
no one to start a feud,
no one there to rule me,
somewhere I could be free
I had all the comforts and food to survive;
yet I began to question why I was alive?
I began to shrivel up within and die,
when the gardener happened by.
Most would have thrown me to the wind, as he;
the prey of a ravenous chickadee.
But it was his wife, who reasoned
that it was just patience in need,
for the revival of life,
the emergence of seed.
No matter which direction
I tried to move
the walls of earth kept crumbling in;
it seemed impossible to win.
My world had become corrupt.
My only escape was up.
I hesitated below the surface,
fearing what lay ahead,
afraid I would not find a plow;
abandoned instead.
My determination was stronger than my fear
So I continued more excited
as I grew near.
As I broke through the earth
and met the sunlight,
my heart took to flight
for I’d found rebirth.
Though the tears of heaven
may splash against my face,
weeds try to win my place,
the wind whip and lash me
to the ground,
the sun wither my every leaf
I have faith, it is my belief.
That I can grow,
I have the resources to cope.
for I began below
from a simple seed of Hope.
There are many gardeners out there who are willing and able to plant these seeds of hope. From family members, friends, doctors, priests, ministers, rabbis, imams, counsellors, and psychiatrists to the neighbour next door.
But the seeds we plant in our garden can’t do the work on their own. They need our help; they need nutrients, sun, water, and a decent environment. They need us to nurture the planted seed.
Besides finding empathic gardeners, we can also find the gardeners within when we work to improve our lives. Faith—in others, ourselves, and/or a higher power—can lead us on the path to recovery from the hurts we’ve experienced.
Thank you, Allan, for the opportunity to discuss my upcoming book, Along Came A Gardener. I've been looking forward to the launch on March 15th. It’ll be available for sale on all the bookseller sites.
You are most welcome, Diana. And I thank you for being our guest this week. We wish you continued success with your writing.
A SPECIAL THANK YOU to all out visitors and readers.
Please tell us what's on your mind in the comment section below. Thank you.
How terrifically heartbreaking while also being so beautifully true. Some of the hardest lessons are the most worthwhile and many seem to be captured in this beautiful collection. Thanks for the introduction, Allan. An thanks for all you do, and have done for our communities, Diana!
ReplyDeleteSarah Butland
Thanks for you comment Sarah. I'm happy to know you enjoyed the post.
DeleteThank you Sarah for your thoughts. I feel privileged to have had the trust of so many in my work as a family therapist. It's not easy asking for help. And it wasn't easy writing this book. The idea raised its head in the late 1970s when I was in my thirties. It took me this long to put it together, but I needed the time. :)
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