reader that lives in Jamaica wants to know how you get in the houses that have
well not to give away too many secrets, you remember the pass key I mentioned
last interview, well the lock manufacturers, since the early 1800’s, have
always committed to the Universal Protocol of SC Enterprises that no door would
create a barrier to Santa and his gifts. Right up until the 1950’s most homes
in the northern climes would have a large chimney and I could easily get in and
out (I dislike those jokes about my large ass not fitting into the chimney by
the way) but when I visit homes in the warmer regions where chimneys don’t even
exist, I always need a way in. That’s where the universal agreement came into
effect that I could gain entry using a passkey that would open any door. It’s
never failed me yet.
I must admit
that there have been a few times when I should’ve left the door closed. For one example, the times when the kids are
at the grandparents or away visiting and the parents are left alone and give no
thought to keeping their sexual liaisons in the bedroom, know what I mean?
4Q: Yes, I
expect that could be embarrassing Santa. Please tell us about some of your
favorite things, like movie stars or food or clothing or whatever.
SC. Ho Ho
Ho. Gosh this’ll be fun. Well first off I have to say that there are three
ladies in Hollywood that I absolutely adore and make sure that I leave them
very special gifts when I visit their house. To be quite frank, I wish I had a
bit more time to snoop around their homes and see how they really live but that
would be impolite, wouldn’t it? They are Sandra Bullock, Kate Beckinsale and
Rachel McAdams, great actresses and very pleasing to look at. I like Ed Harris,
a terrific actor and that young Canadian, Ryan Goseling, he was especially good
in the new Blade Runner movie.
snack foods are Cheezees, Two-Bite Brownies and Hello Dolly Squares (got the
recipe for that one from one of the Chiasson girls in Moncton), I mean how else
do you think I got this fat. My favorite food is reindeer burgers (thank
goodness they can’t read) with plenty of mustard, pickles, hot peppers and
tomatoes on Missus Claus’ famous buns. A young girl named Carol left me a
butterscotch pie one year that was unforgettable. Other than that, I like
guinea pig when I visit Peru, hot tamales from Mexico, pastry from any Parisian
café, German strudel, Russian blini, Japanese sushi, anything Chinese and
Vito’s pizza when I can get it.
reading and most of the authors I enjoy have been on the Scribbler and are way
too many to name but I especially enjoy stories from a bunch of writers that
live in New Brunswick, I mean, there is so much talent, wow! Best thing to do
there is go online to the Writers Federation and check out their members.
I’m an avid
snowboarder and ride an old Burton Supermodel. I like long fast boards, none of
that short tricky stuff for me. You know that expression, “long boards truck,
short boards suck”, well I made that up.
For music I
love listening to Ella Fitzgerald, anything by Dave Brubeck and his sons (Chris
Brubeck is awesome on bass), Oscar Peterson on the piano, all the Beatle songs,
anything by Luther Chase and Supermoon Den. I know this will baffle a lot of
people but I don’t care much for that twangy country music although Shania
Twain and Garth Black deserve a listen occasionally. But JJ Cale will always be
my favorite musician and I leave a lot of his CDs for Christmas.
(photo credit - Luther Chase)
And of course, I love the kiddies, leaving them gifts and eating the cookies they leave for me. They are what Christmas is all about, family and fun and celebrating the birth of Christ.
what else to tell you about Allan but I’ve got to end this now. I’m being
fitted for another red suit because the last one I had made was in 1953 and
even though I only wear it once a year, it’s starting to fray around the edges
and I need some new threads. My tailor just arrived and I can see my Greeting
Elf removing his blindfold, so take care my friend and have a Merry Christmas.
once more Santa for this informative session. I always knew you were real.
And a special Thank You to you for visiting the Scribbler.
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