Saturday 21 December 2019

4Q Interview with Santa Claus.

Jolly Old St. Nick

For the third year in a row, Santa Claus is back for another interview on the Scribbler. As usual, due to Santa’s crazy schedule in November and December, the interview took place last fall. According to his publicist, Santa has many requests for interviews and such but he is particularly fond of the Scribbler and he admits it’s one of his favorites. He’s actually looking forward to making this an annual event.

For all you wonderful readers, those interested in the previous interviews with Santa, please follow these links:

2018    2017   2014

4Q: We understand how popular you are Santa during Christmas, the festive celebration of the birth of Christ. Through this series of interviews, we are getting to know you better and discovering the magic of your world. Tell us about Mrs. Claus.

SC: That’s a fine question. Not many people ask about Mrs. Claus and I feel bad about that. I mean, she is the one that keeps everything running smooth. At one time, she did everything in the background, manage the elves, do the work scheduling, midwife, councilor (not all the elves are cheerful twenty-four hours a day), marketing, cleaning our house, cooking for everyone and so on. Phew, I get tired just thinking about it. We have more help now that we’re older. We’ve appointed some of the senior elves to more responsible positions so she has more free time these days.

We met in when I was a young man. Not many years after I was selected to be “the” Santa Claus, I was inexperienced and terribly slow, unorganized. Australia is the first country I visit each year and when I stepped off the sled in the 789th house I visited, I slipped off the roof and landed on my head, receiving a gash over my left eye. It needed stitches right away and at the hospital I attended, she was working the night shift as a nurse on the east coast. Of course, I needed to be patched up pretty quick and she was the only one who believed I was Santa Claus, the others writing me off as a drunk in a red suit.

And she was so beautiful (still is, by the way). Tall slender girl, reddish short hair, wide smile that beamed, I fell for her right away. Told her I’d be back. She didn’t believe me at the time but when I showed up the first week of January with a dozen roses and asked her out, we clicked right away. She’s been by my side since.

4Q: That’s an interesting story Santa. Tell us about your naughty list.

SC: I suppose I should. Let’s take you for an example, you’ve been on it a few times Allan. I still can’t get over how mischievous you were as a kid. Always getting into trouble. Goodness knows, you should’ve known better but you were such a curious lad. I mean, most of the time you were a normal kid, not too bad and always on the good list but every once in a while, you did something stupid and the “behavior meter” would bump you off the good list and on to the naughty side. I had to keep a close eye on you for the rest of the year to make sure you warranted gifts or not.

I remember the time you were playing with Mary, your next door neighbour (sweet young girl). She was serving you tea in her new playset, plastic dishes and cups and saucers and her cousin Betty unexpectedly showed up and you were jealous and being a nuisance. She tried to send you home, didn’t want to play with you anymore. That wasn’t nice, of course, but when they went in for dinner, you stole the plates and saucers and threw them in the garbage. That was a bad thing. You immediately went on the naughty list. The only redeeming factor was when your mother marched you back there and made you dig the dishes out of the garbage bin and apologize, that I manually moved you back to the good list.

Stuff like that gets kids on the list but to be honest, there’s not many names on that list.

4Q: What’s your take on last year’s Kurt Russell movie, The Christmas Chronicles? Did he do an accurate job of portraying you?

SC: Well yes, he did. I was consulted on that movie by the director, Clay Kaytis. I’m actually that handsome you know. The long hair and beard were my idea. I wasn’t too keen on sharing how I got in and out of the houses but the movie required a bit of realism and I wanted people to know how quickly I can get about. Mr. Russell did a fine job but the highlight was meeting Goldie Hawn on the set and seeing her as Mrs. Claus. She is still a fine-looking lady, almost as pretty as my own Mrs. Claus.

I think they did a fine job.

4Q: We expect there are many good memories for you but is there one visit anywhere on the planet that sticks out most in your memory?

SC: Yes, there are many wonderful moments that highlight each year but there is one particular stop over that remains foremost in my mind. I won’t mention any names of course, but Whoa, what a night. There is one rascal that probably was on the naughty list more than any other, a lad that grew up in Nova Scotia actually. He was basically a good boy but seemed to find way to get himself in hot water.

One time when he was older, he was alone at Christmas time, his wife and children visiting family in Europe. Thinking he was asleep, I was putting gifts under the tree when he tapped me on the shoulder and scared the dickens out of me. Anyway, long story short, he invited me back for breakfast after I did my run and what a blast we had. The first time I ever had rum and cokes for breakfast but the clincher was something he dug out of his stash. He warned me, “only take one of two puffs Santa” but I didn’t heed his warning. I still don’t know what was in it but, Oh Man, was I in a fix, more like a stupor… I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that much before... or since.

I was late getting home from that trip, too drunk really to command the sleigh but the reindeer made it back on their own. 

The Missus was not happy. 

Worried mostly. I was passed out in the sleigh and she had to put me to bed. Woke up to a tongue lashing. Needless to say, I make sure he’s asleep when I visit his house now.

Thank you, Santa, for sharing your moments with us once more. See you in a few days and next year.

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